And so with shaking hands and chattering teeth I’ve arrived at the decision to publish my manuscript. I have been sitting on it and procrastinating for a terribly long time. But now my resolve is firm.
It is difficult to describe the heady cocktail of fear, dread, anxiety, elation and euphoria that washes over me every time I think of seeing my name in print on the glossy cover of a paperback novel. It is a dream I dared not dream and yet here I am, hastening it’s path, shoving it into the corridors of reality like an over enthusiastic parent pushing their croaky child into the school choir.
Perhaps having faced my biggest fears has given me the courage to apprehend the smaller ones.
I feared writing the first chapter but I did.
I feared I would not finish but I did.
I feared showing it to strangers but I did.
I feared I would not deal well with rejection but I did.
I feared I would not like my own work but I did.
I have a lot of friends, know a lot of people. That is indeed a blessing but it can also be a very intimidating thing when you are about to get published. So I ask myself, after investing all the time and effort, am I ready to face the wrath of bitter reviews, suicidal critiques, snickering “friends”, pathetic sales?
I hate to say it but the answer is yes.
Why? Because if my normal pattern is anything to go by, the higher the stakes, the more fun I am going to have. You see, it could go the other way. Maybe the book is not bad and people like it. Of course, I am under no illusions that I will be the next Rowling or Grisham. But maybe I will be readable. Maybe it won’t be all bad. And for that small chance, for that sliver of hope, I am willing to risk it.
What’s it about, Lavina? People keep asking me that. I always answer with one word. Fiction. A layer of confusion forms on their faces as they try and construct the next question. Usually it is something like : Oh, so it is not humor?
At this point many look disappointed. Some become disinterested, smile politely and stray toward the crudités. But then there are a precious few who ask: “When is it out? I would love to read it!”
That is when I break into a goofy smile that lasts all day.
I have always believed success and failure are nothing more than experiences. They don’t define me, they only teach me.
So yep, here I am, working on cover design, formatting and other boring things. I don’t have an agent and there are a lot of details to look into as a self published author. The book should be out in the next couple of months.
What’s it called? Part Star Part Dust.
Does it suck? I don’t know. I sure hope not. But I hope you will buy a copy to find out.
I will be posting an excerpt on my blog soon. Till then, do read something else to whet your appeitite 🙂